It's been a while, and I'm sorry, but I probably have an audience of one (ME), so does it really matter?
There's been a lot of upheaval at the jobsite. There's a LOT of emphasis on being positive and upbeat. Although I see the logic in it, I can't HELP but think the following thoughts:
Mind stapling. I LOVE MY WORK.
I bet ol Massa would prefer a batch of smiling slaves, too. (Strike that, that's just wrong, wrong, wrong.)
Although I LOATHE Julia Roberts, I think of her talking about eating shit politely with a knife and fork in Something to Talk About.
When the management is heaping loads of crap on you, of COURSE they want you to smile and suck it up. They want you to trust them, and believe that everything will trickle down.
This week I have spent INFURIATED because I came up with a great idea. That's not news. I come up with a great idea every other day and twice on Sundays. That's what I DO. I'm forward thinking and proactive. This is because I am saddled with a lazy boss, and thinking ahead is a survival instinct. If I don't, guess who gets all the work? Yeah, I'm thinking all the time about preventing future mishaps and shit like that.
Well, I have an IDEA. My boss says that he will tell Little Big Boss that it's mine. I was shocked. (I'm also gullible.) I first modestly say that it's not necessary, and he assures me that of COURSE it is. When he comes back from that meeting he is all aglow from the praise he has received for his "forward thinking" and "proactiveness." Yep, I figured out that all these years he's been passing off MY ideas as his own. I haven't spoken to him since. I honestly don't know what to do, and people outside the legal world don't understand the political machine that is this job.
1) Who would I complain to? Who would believe me? Where would it get me?
2) Finding another job? I've thought about it, and I don't really fancy starting over with 10 years in, and then I kid myself that 10 years in means a damn thing. (IT DOESN'T! Unless you're an attorney.) The other thing is that they KNOW each other. That means that they won't hire me unless he says okay. Unless I want to change careers altogether, there's nowhere for me to go because I've been his right hand for far too long.
3) It would be more of the same shit if I did leave anyway.
What my instructors told me was that this is a thankless job (understatement of the decade), but she didn't say that you'd be the anonymous genius of the firm. I wasn't ready for that. I look through our company manual and see policy that I've written, and I know that no one will ever know that I did it.
That really matters because it makes a difference in salary, potentially. I'm really done with the need for praise because you can get buckets of that, but it ain't very spendy. If they want to praise me, they do it with cash.
2011-03-25
Bubbles Bursting
I love to watch different things in my coworkers. One thing I like to see is that moment of clarity when they finally connect the dots as to what they are doing and WHY. Then in a couple of years, I get to see the moment when they realize that the job is far more complex than earlier imagined. Then I get to watch as they finally GET intrapolicy stacking.
Another thing I get to watch is that bubble bursting. It happened to me, too. I came right out of college with the idea that I was a HIGH-falutin' paralegal now, so move out of my way. Then on my first day, I found out that I still had to make coffee and I wasn't getting a secretary. It's a necessary humbling experience, and one I treasure. I still laugh at myself when I realized that I was really just the same old ME, just with a new set of skills.
Another way to burst and/or shatter that ego bubble is to be in a case that is co-counselled...and YOU DON'T work for lead counsel. You still have a metric ass load of work to do, but your boss AIN'T calling the shots, and you're taking orders from another paralegal.
My first time through this, I was nervous, and insulted. After that, it was a breeze. WHY?
The secret is this. Your worth is not measured on who is calling the shots or not, or who has to do what work. To your client, your worth is measured by the care you show, the answers you give, and the extra steps you take to make sure that they feel like a person. Often attorneys do talk down to their clients. One reason is that clients don't really trust lawyers they can understand. (Sad but true) and the other reason is that some just can't find another way to say it. Sometimes attorneys are focused on getting their message to the client, and they just don't see those eyes glazing over.
Just do the work. Simply put. Don't get bent out of shape when you're asked to be a hostess. Always be ready to get the work done correctly, and don't be shitty about the mistakes of others.
Another thing I get to watch is that bubble bursting. It happened to me, too. I came right out of college with the idea that I was a HIGH-falutin' paralegal now, so move out of my way. Then on my first day, I found out that I still had to make coffee and I wasn't getting a secretary. It's a necessary humbling experience, and one I treasure. I still laugh at myself when I realized that I was really just the same old ME, just with a new set of skills.
Another way to burst and/or shatter that ego bubble is to be in a case that is co-counselled...and YOU DON'T work for lead counsel. You still have a metric ass load of work to do, but your boss AIN'T calling the shots, and you're taking orders from another paralegal.
My first time through this, I was nervous, and insulted. After that, it was a breeze. WHY?
The secret is this. Your worth is not measured on who is calling the shots or not, or who has to do what work. To your client, your worth is measured by the care you show, the answers you give, and the extra steps you take to make sure that they feel like a person. Often attorneys do talk down to their clients. One reason is that clients don't really trust lawyers they can understand. (Sad but true) and the other reason is that some just can't find another way to say it. Sometimes attorneys are focused on getting their message to the client, and they just don't see those eyes glazing over.
Just do the work. Simply put. Don't get bent out of shape when you're asked to be a hostess. Always be ready to get the work done correctly, and don't be shitty about the mistakes of others.
2010-10-05
Hazard of the Job part 2 - Everyone you don't know is crazy
I have a saying. Other people may also have it. They may also have said it first. All I know is that I have a saying: Parties entering litigation will be crazy 80% of the time.
If you work litigation, you'll agree, otherwise you'll just sit there and scratch your head. Yeah, it's true. Most people can compromise. To be able to compromise, you'll have to have a healthy view of what you stand to gain, and what you stand to lose.
Since I work exclusively in plaintiff personal injury, I work with crazy people most of the time. They drive my attorney crazy. They drive the receptionists crazy. We all drive each other crazy, but mostly the client is off their rocker, whether it's a lot or a little, that rocker is loose.
To be honest, though, sometimes the adjusters are crazy. Sometimes I have a perfectly sane and rational plaintiff (and in 8 years I can count them on one hand) and the adjuster is the one who is off their bean.
Examples of a crazy adjuster? I have a few that I can share.
They use defenses like, well, if your client wasn't a smoker, then the machinery that grabbed her scalp would have healed faster.
They lose in lower court, appeal to higher court, and will not pay you the 4 grand to settle it, but would rather spend 5 more grand in attorney's fees, doctor depos, and airline tickets, not to mention that they WILL pay the judgment when it is granted, and the interest that is accruing. How does THAT math work for you?
They tell you their top offer is meds only with a DUI case that is twice over the legal limit.
They pay "liens" asserted against a claim without verifying it or getting their insured's permission. What happens is we make them pay that twice. Once to the "lienholder" and once back to our client. What a mess THAT was for them. Crazy.
Crazy clients are far more frequent. One of my special skills is the ability to relate to clients of a certain fragile mental state. There ARE some that I am not effective with, but for the most part, I do have a certain gift. I believe that the gift stems from my belief that they are no worse off than I am. Everyone is crazy when you get to know them. A client in pain and in trouble is more likely to show you that vulnerability before someone who DOESN'T have that problem. If they were slightly crazy before the collision, they are going to be even more so after. This kinda shit brings out the worst in ANYONE, so if you can get over yourself and your own bullshit, you're going to be fine.
You've got to grow a thick skin in this profession. Folks are going to use some language on you, which doesn't faze me. Folks are going to yell, complain, rail out in anguish, and they are going to be unhappy. You were supposed to get them MILLIONS, and you can't do that. Yeah, that's what people think. If you're GOOD at your job, you'll start bursting that bubble EARLY, you'll do it gently, but firmly. You'll do it OFTEN. Your job is to prepare them for what is coming, and if you know damned well that they ain't getting the 100k you filed for, TELL THEM FROM JUMP STREET. Do yourself a favor.
Your clients will call you crying. Some of their personalities won't remember what you said. Sometimes they put their children on the phone so you can tell them why they can't have a new swingset from their collision. Even worse, sometimes they tell you that they can't wait for Junior to settle so they can pay that back rent. (Ruh Roh)
Although they are often crazy, they are NOT STUPID, which means that they can add, and they figure out that they can try to rattle you by questioning expenses and fees. If you're smart, you'll keep reminding them about expenses as you go along. My motto: Leave no room for excuses.
Customer service skills are VERY useful to you in this profession, and will keep you sane. Seriously. That and long lunches.
Also, having a bizarre sense of humor will save your sanity on most days.
All kidding aside, if you don't love people in general, this won't be the profession for you. You have to have compassion, understanding, and the marvelous ability to take even yourself with a large grain of salt.
If you work litigation, you'll agree, otherwise you'll just sit there and scratch your head. Yeah, it's true. Most people can compromise. To be able to compromise, you'll have to have a healthy view of what you stand to gain, and what you stand to lose.
Since I work exclusively in plaintiff personal injury, I work with crazy people most of the time. They drive my attorney crazy. They drive the receptionists crazy. We all drive each other crazy, but mostly the client is off their rocker, whether it's a lot or a little, that rocker is loose.
To be honest, though, sometimes the adjusters are crazy. Sometimes I have a perfectly sane and rational plaintiff (and in 8 years I can count them on one hand) and the adjuster is the one who is off their bean.
Examples of a crazy adjuster? I have a few that I can share.
They use defenses like, well, if your client wasn't a smoker, then the machinery that grabbed her scalp would have healed faster.
They lose in lower court, appeal to higher court, and will not pay you the 4 grand to settle it, but would rather spend 5 more grand in attorney's fees, doctor depos, and airline tickets, not to mention that they WILL pay the judgment when it is granted, and the interest that is accruing. How does THAT math work for you?
They tell you their top offer is meds only with a DUI case that is twice over the legal limit.
They pay "liens" asserted against a claim without verifying it or getting their insured's permission. What happens is we make them pay that twice. Once to the "lienholder" and once back to our client. What a mess THAT was for them. Crazy.
Crazy clients are far more frequent. One of my special skills is the ability to relate to clients of a certain fragile mental state. There ARE some that I am not effective with, but for the most part, I do have a certain gift. I believe that the gift stems from my belief that they are no worse off than I am. Everyone is crazy when you get to know them. A client in pain and in trouble is more likely to show you that vulnerability before someone who DOESN'T have that problem. If they were slightly crazy before the collision, they are going to be even more so after. This kinda shit brings out the worst in ANYONE, so if you can get over yourself and your own bullshit, you're going to be fine.
You've got to grow a thick skin in this profession. Folks are going to use some language on you, which doesn't faze me. Folks are going to yell, complain, rail out in anguish, and they are going to be unhappy. You were supposed to get them MILLIONS, and you can't do that. Yeah, that's what people think. If you're GOOD at your job, you'll start bursting that bubble EARLY, you'll do it gently, but firmly. You'll do it OFTEN. Your job is to prepare them for what is coming, and if you know damned well that they ain't getting the 100k you filed for, TELL THEM FROM JUMP STREET. Do yourself a favor.
Your clients will call you crying. Some of their personalities won't remember what you said. Sometimes they put their children on the phone so you can tell them why they can't have a new swingset from their collision. Even worse, sometimes they tell you that they can't wait for Junior to settle so they can pay that back rent. (Ruh Roh)
Although they are often crazy, they are NOT STUPID, which means that they can add, and they figure out that they can try to rattle you by questioning expenses and fees. If you're smart, you'll keep reminding them about expenses as you go along. My motto: Leave no room for excuses.
Customer service skills are VERY useful to you in this profession, and will keep you sane. Seriously. That and long lunches.
Also, having a bizarre sense of humor will save your sanity on most days.
All kidding aside, if you don't love people in general, this won't be the profession for you. You have to have compassion, understanding, and the marvelous ability to take even yourself with a large grain of salt.
2010-09-15
Corollary - The Grass is NOT always Greener
Last time we spoke, I talked a bit about the natural anger one feels when one figures out how this game is played. Basically, you demonstrate lap-dog loyalty on a daily basis, and you must try to figure out if that loyalty is returned (it ain't), but you hope anyway.
The other side of that coin is...maybe you don't know when you got it so good.
I work for ONE attorney. Some of my friends work for three or more. We're like mushrooms. We don't really get to MEET attorneys on that level to see what they are like, and elbow-rubbing opportunities are few and far between. Before you jump out of that frying pan, you gotta think about how bad you REALLY have it.
I mean, after all of that, in the new divide, I know my boss chose me to stay with him (large $$) and optioned my complaining compatriot to work with the baby Esq. (Yeah, her life is a general district HELLpit of no cash and tons of paper.)
I can speak freely to him...for a boss, that is. He doesn't yell or go crazy on me. He doesn't forget that he asked me to do something when it goes wrong. He's funny and really tries to be fair. He's a decent fellow, which is more than I can say for most people, let alone attorneys.
There are days that I get shown more loyalty than most, but then there are other days that I'd pull a Jet Blue in a New York second.
My word of caution to you is this. Sometimes it ain't always better elsewhere. Make sure you're making the right choice before you go.
The other side of that coin is...maybe you don't know when you got it so good.
I work for ONE attorney. Some of my friends work for three or more. We're like mushrooms. We don't really get to MEET attorneys on that level to see what they are like, and elbow-rubbing opportunities are few and far between. Before you jump out of that frying pan, you gotta think about how bad you REALLY have it.
I mean, after all of that, in the new divide, I know my boss chose me to stay with him (large $$) and optioned my complaining compatriot to work with the baby Esq. (Yeah, her life is a general district HELLpit of no cash and tons of paper.)
I can speak freely to him...for a boss, that is. He doesn't yell or go crazy on me. He doesn't forget that he asked me to do something when it goes wrong. He's funny and really tries to be fair. He's a decent fellow, which is more than I can say for most people, let alone attorneys.
There are days that I get shown more loyalty than most, but then there are other days that I'd pull a Jet Blue in a New York second.
My word of caution to you is this. Sometimes it ain't always better elsewhere. Make sure you're making the right choice before you go.
2010-09-08
Hazard of the Job part 1 - Loyalty is a one way street
While I love being a paralegal most days, you should get full disclosure on the other parts of the job. This is a big kick in the pants for most of us. Those of us who have been in the trenches for a long period of time KNOW this, have been burned by it to some degree, and quietly watch as the newbies learn the lesson. Most often, they refuse to learn it from us. I'll give you an example:
We were discussing office policy with a new to the firm paralegal who is in her early to mid twenties. Now, she really believes that she is worldly AND wise. (Those of us with greyer heads are already starting to shake our heads, kinda like watching a puppy.) I am not saying she's dumb. She's far from it. She's not wise enough yet to know that she has a lot left to learn. That won't hit her until she's ...oh...35? Maybe? When you're a kid, they tell you the secret about Santa, but NONE of these folks tell you the truth about life, and people, EVER. No, you just go through life thinking that you can say stupid shit like, "I know him better than he knows himself," and really believe that's a fact. They save the rude surprises of betrayal for when you're older, but that's another 20 dollars.
Anyway, we were talking about policy, promotions and salary, all the kinds of shit that attorneys pray you never figure out, so you can't see where you're being mildly cheated, and feel grateful that you have a job, and that you're also lucky enough to work in their August Presence (tm). We were talking about taking a list of complaints AND suggested fixes to the Upper Ups and at least TRY to make some changes. She (we'll call her Stripes) decides to share this with her attorney. Oh Lord. She said that she did, in fact, know him better than he knew himself (after MAYBE 2 years of working with him), and she KNEW that he'd have HER best interests at heart.
You can't even snicker at her naivety. It's so not funny. All you can do is pray she has a parachute for when she falls back to Earth again.
I've been working for my attorney for about 9 years. For 9 years, I have made coffee, balanced his home and work schedules (he isn't one of those that requires you to buy presents or shit like that, but there IS a certain amount of homelife that shadows a calendar), so I do my best to make sure he attends PTA conferences, school plays, games and stuff by NOT scheduling on top of them. I know that sounds easy enough, but it CAN be difficult, and my co workers have been known to try to weedle that time out of him for doctor depos, since they can be tough.
(Word of advice...NEVER do that. It pisses him off, and shows weakness to the other side, just say that the date is UNAVAILABLE.)
9 years of bullshit. 9 years of undoing the messes that my coworkers have wrought. 3 years of hearing that there's not going to be a raise because of the economy, and we're hiring new workers and new attorneys AND expanding. 9 years of struggling through crappy cases, and building claims out of thin air and a prayer (Important because the newbies get to reap the rewards of convincing the Upper UPs to stop taking these shitty cases). 9 years of arguing to make things fair, and 9 years of bad jokes. 9 years of defending him to clients who are irate, and 9 years of making miracles happen (Oh, you want me to find a witness for you, but no one knows who this is, and you THINK there might be a first name on page 67 of plaintiff's transcript OR hey, sure, I can convince a clerk or judge's secretary to drop just everything and give you something ridiculous that we know you don't need, but neither of us can convince YOU of it).
What does all THAT mean? Nothing. If you want something based on something refered to as "your dues." You don't DO anything, so you aren't DUE anything. They talk about how they deserve whatever it is because they've been doing this for 4500 years, yet you don't deserve anything based on seniority, which is the line of shit they give you when they want to do whatever it is that they are going to do that you're not going to like. You learn the hard way that you're as important to them as their watch. They like it, but when it breaks, they buy a new one, and they don't mourn the old, but if they did, it would be more than they'd mourn for you, EXCEPT to tell the NEW replacement how wonderful you were and you made magic for them for FREEEEEEE because they sure as shit don't want to pay you what you are worth. (I think I work for the only plaintiff firm that pays LESS than the defense.)
They will tell you how fabulous you are, and how they are lost without you, but not when it comes down to money. Oh no. Then you are lucky to have a job, and they can replace you in a matter of months (even though you know damned well that any assistants they've had besides you have run off for the hills in self-preservation and there is NO way that he'll get his fingers into multi-million dollar cases with a fledgling at his side.)
However, if you still think loyalty goes both ways, sit beside me. Listening to you talk will be like watching the window at the pet store.
We were discussing office policy with a new to the firm paralegal who is in her early to mid twenties. Now, she really believes that she is worldly AND wise. (Those of us with greyer heads are already starting to shake our heads, kinda like watching a puppy.) I am not saying she's dumb. She's far from it. She's not wise enough yet to know that she has a lot left to learn. That won't hit her until she's ...oh...35? Maybe? When you're a kid, they tell you the secret about Santa, but NONE of these folks tell you the truth about life, and people, EVER. No, you just go through life thinking that you can say stupid shit like, "I know him better than he knows himself," and really believe that's a fact. They save the rude surprises of betrayal for when you're older, but that's another 20 dollars.
Anyway, we were talking about policy, promotions and salary, all the kinds of shit that attorneys pray you never figure out, so you can't see where you're being mildly cheated, and feel grateful that you have a job, and that you're also lucky enough to work in their August Presence (tm). We were talking about taking a list of complaints AND suggested fixes to the Upper Ups and at least TRY to make some changes. She (we'll call her Stripes) decides to share this with her attorney. Oh Lord. She said that she did, in fact, know him better than he knew himself (after MAYBE 2 years of working with him), and she KNEW that he'd have HER best interests at heart.
You can't even snicker at her naivety. It's so not funny. All you can do is pray she has a parachute for when she falls back to Earth again.
I've been working for my attorney for about 9 years. For 9 years, I have made coffee, balanced his home and work schedules (he isn't one of those that requires you to buy presents or shit like that, but there IS a certain amount of homelife that shadows a calendar), so I do my best to make sure he attends PTA conferences, school plays, games and stuff by NOT scheduling on top of them. I know that sounds easy enough, but it CAN be difficult, and my co workers have been known to try to weedle that time out of him for doctor depos, since they can be tough.
(Word of advice...NEVER do that. It pisses him off, and shows weakness to the other side, just say that the date is UNAVAILABLE.)
9 years of bullshit. 9 years of undoing the messes that my coworkers have wrought. 3 years of hearing that there's not going to be a raise because of the economy, and we're hiring new workers and new attorneys AND expanding. 9 years of struggling through crappy cases, and building claims out of thin air and a prayer (Important because the newbies get to reap the rewards of convincing the Upper UPs to stop taking these shitty cases). 9 years of arguing to make things fair, and 9 years of bad jokes. 9 years of defending him to clients who are irate, and 9 years of making miracles happen (Oh, you want me to find a witness for you, but no one knows who this is, and you THINK there might be a first name on page 67 of plaintiff's transcript OR hey, sure, I can convince a clerk or judge's secretary to drop just everything and give you something ridiculous that we know you don't need, but neither of us can convince YOU of it).
What does all THAT mean? Nothing. If you want something based on something refered to as "your dues." You don't DO anything, so you aren't DUE anything. They talk about how they deserve whatever it is because they've been doing this for 4500 years, yet you don't deserve anything based on seniority, which is the line of shit they give you when they want to do whatever it is that they are going to do that you're not going to like. You learn the hard way that you're as important to them as their watch. They like it, but when it breaks, they buy a new one, and they don't mourn the old, but if they did, it would be more than they'd mourn for you, EXCEPT to tell the NEW replacement how wonderful you were and you made magic for them for FREEEEEEE because they sure as shit don't want to pay you what you are worth. (I think I work for the only plaintiff firm that pays LESS than the defense.)
They will tell you how fabulous you are, and how they are lost without you, but not when it comes down to money. Oh no. Then you are lucky to have a job, and they can replace you in a matter of months (even though you know damned well that any assistants they've had besides you have run off for the hills in self-preservation and there is NO way that he'll get his fingers into multi-million dollar cases with a fledgling at his side.)
However, if you still think loyalty goes both ways, sit beside me. Listening to you talk will be like watching the window at the pet store.
They Jingle Jangle Jingle
Today my neighbor, we'll call her Bugs, decided to wear an armload of those thin jangly bracelets that never seem to go all the way out of style. They're sold virtually everywhere, but if you pay more than a buck fifty, you're getting ripped off. I think they are sold in lots of 50, and that's the rule. YOU MUST WEAR ALL OF THEM.
All day long all I could hear was jingling. JANGLING. JINGLING JINGLING JINGLING. Now, I ask you, is this the kind of wear that should be in a law office? NO!
I fully support the idea of termination. NO, not firing, but actually KILLING anyone who wears all of the following to work: flip flops, strapless shoes, chains of any sort, anywhere, but doubly so if they are on a wallet, bangles, bracelets, corduroys, or those stupid singing ties.
What's wrong with you noisy people?
All day long all I could hear was jingling. JANGLING. JINGLING JINGLING JINGLING. Now, I ask you, is this the kind of wear that should be in a law office? NO!
I fully support the idea of termination. NO, not firing, but actually KILLING anyone who wears all of the following to work: flip flops, strapless shoes, chains of any sort, anywhere, but doubly so if they are on a wallet, bangles, bracelets, corduroys, or those stupid singing ties.
What's wrong with you noisy people?
2010-09-07
High School Musical - The Office
Other paralegals have discussed this issue. Why IS it that women act like high schoolers in large groups? Yes, I know that's a horrible generalization. It's true that not ALL women act this way. There are some, like ME, for example, and the other women who stick their heads up above the crowd to say, DAMN, why DO these women act like we are back in high school, for Christ's sake?
I have not previously worked in a field that is largely women, but I heard a rumor that this does not happen often in the nursing communities. Something to ponder on, I guess.
However, paralegals in all kinds of practices have reported this kind of behavior. I have had no less than two personal friends at two separate firms report that they were deliberately incorrectly trained by other coworkers. That is just shocking to me. Personally, I need all the help I can get, and that's the selfish reason for training correctly, but the clients are the ones who suffer with this pettiness. I couldn't bring myself to do this for a whole bunch of reasons, and I can't understand it when it DOES happen.
I can get along with a lot of people, although in my firm I am generally NOT LIKED. This is because of two reasons, I think. I think I'm a little TOO helpful, and I don't know when to keep my mouth shut. I know, people like that aren't liked. If you meet us, and we can't stop giving you hints to make your job easier, know that we hate this part of us, too, but we still help you, knowing that you'll resent us for it. The other reason is that I can be a little too frank. I don't put up with some of the circular conversations and agonizations that some people like to do. I believe that you should either become part of the solution, or you're the problem. Either fix your problem, or shut up about it. A lot of folks don't like that, either.
Don't get me wrong. I'm a great shoulder to cry on IF IT'S WARRANTED. If your kid is in the hospital, I can listen to your fears and concerns, and help you through the crisis. If you want to bitch and moan about how your husband won't buy you a new washer, then I'm not the person for you.
Just thought of the third reason I'm not liked. If you work with me, I expect you to do it right. I don't expect you to get it right the first time, but I expect you to WANT to do it right, and make the corrections necessary, and not have an attitude about it. If I can do it, YOU can do it.
However, that doesn't explain why I hear pieces of conversations that involve so-and-so's hair, shoes, or boyfriend, or why SHE gets away with not working (and I know for a fact that neither of these complainers work hard enough to judge this girl, since they are both sittiing down for a nice long breakfast at the job), and even worse are those people who don't like this person or that person, and they want to form a little militia and convince YOU that you shouldn't like them, either. I mean, WHAT IS THAT? I haven't seen this since high school. I hated it then.
Currently, I am fighting a war with a teammate. It's silly because she gets angry with me because of cases that I get assigned, as if I have anything to do with THAT. I was having a problem with my boss, and I believe it was a lot of miscommunication (he's a shitty people-person), and I talked to her about it. Her response to me (and this was after I bent over backward to solve HER problem with him, and took them BOTH to lunch to air out their differences because I'm NOT a shitty people-person, but I AM a sucker) was that I couldn't stand being in competition with her.
Cue the needle scratching off the record.
I'm not a competitive person. I don't really LIKE it. I really like sharing. I would rather have as many people win as possible. This doesn't mean that I CAN'T compete. It just seems like a step backward. I was shocked, simply because I never saw this as a competition. All I could really think about is all the friendship I offered, all the explaining away of why this person got this case, and why I got what I did, and what she was also given. I think I decided then that I couldn't keep doing this.
Imagine working with someone who is NEVER satisfied. Imagine working with someone who ALWAYS complains, yet never does anything about it? If it was simple, I'dhelp do it for her. This was MY problem, though, and I have to own up to that. Eventually, I got tired of the complaining and griping, made a list, made a list of SUGGESTED fixes, had a meeting with all of the disgruntled ones, and suggested we take it to the boss. Sound reasonable? Sure. They all backed out, for reasons of their own. I said at that point that I didn't want to hear it anymore. If you don't want to fix it, then shut up about it. I also found it ironic that they ridiculed the girls who did not want to discuss this with the boss as being cowardly and weak, and when they later backed out FOR THE SAME REASONS, they never noted their own hypocrisy. Unreal.
Anyway, I got tired of all the years of being thrown under the bus. I decided that I wouldn't put any more energy into calming her down or smoothing things over.
After she said that I didn't like the competition, and after talking to my boss, who covered up his lack of working because of internet surfing by saying that I couldn't get work done because I wasn't working (Yeah, I LOVED that one. My work was stacked on his desk, I had emails galore unanswered, and an email from HR that went in circles and she could not see WHY she was talking in circles) I decided to carefully document my work, and put my nose to the grindstone.
About a month later, or maybe 2-3 weeks, my teammate was very upset that the calendar was full. Her reaction to that was silly. She decided to hate me because of it. We haven't spoken in over 6 months. Wonder how that's working out for her. Suits me fine. I don't have to adjust the heat, or fix her computer. I don't have tiremarks on my back anymore, either.
It just leaves me with the question of why professional women can behave this way. I wonder if they consider themselves feminists? I think the people I know who act this way are TOTALLY against the term feminism, but like some of the feminist beliefs, but if you were to ask them to define a feminist, I think they'd sound like Steve Dallas or something. I DO consider myself a feminist. I wonder how many other women do.
I have not previously worked in a field that is largely women, but I heard a rumor that this does not happen often in the nursing communities. Something to ponder on, I guess.
However, paralegals in all kinds of practices have reported this kind of behavior. I have had no less than two personal friends at two separate firms report that they were deliberately incorrectly trained by other coworkers. That is just shocking to me. Personally, I need all the help I can get, and that's the selfish reason for training correctly, but the clients are the ones who suffer with this pettiness. I couldn't bring myself to do this for a whole bunch of reasons, and I can't understand it when it DOES happen.
I can get along with a lot of people, although in my firm I am generally NOT LIKED. This is because of two reasons, I think. I think I'm a little TOO helpful, and I don't know when to keep my mouth shut. I know, people like that aren't liked. If you meet us, and we can't stop giving you hints to make your job easier, know that we hate this part of us, too, but we still help you, knowing that you'll resent us for it. The other reason is that I can be a little too frank. I don't put up with some of the circular conversations and agonizations that some people like to do. I believe that you should either become part of the solution, or you're the problem. Either fix your problem, or shut up about it. A lot of folks don't like that, either.
Don't get me wrong. I'm a great shoulder to cry on IF IT'S WARRANTED. If your kid is in the hospital, I can listen to your fears and concerns, and help you through the crisis. If you want to bitch and moan about how your husband won't buy you a new washer, then I'm not the person for you.
Just thought of the third reason I'm not liked. If you work with me, I expect you to do it right. I don't expect you to get it right the first time, but I expect you to WANT to do it right, and make the corrections necessary, and not have an attitude about it. If I can do it, YOU can do it.
However, that doesn't explain why I hear pieces of conversations that involve so-and-so's hair, shoes, or boyfriend, or why SHE gets away with not working (and I know for a fact that neither of these complainers work hard enough to judge this girl, since they are both sittiing down for a nice long breakfast at the job), and even worse are those people who don't like this person or that person, and they want to form a little militia and convince YOU that you shouldn't like them, either. I mean, WHAT IS THAT? I haven't seen this since high school. I hated it then.
Currently, I am fighting a war with a teammate. It's silly because she gets angry with me because of cases that I get assigned, as if I have anything to do with THAT. I was having a problem with my boss, and I believe it was a lot of miscommunication (he's a shitty people-person), and I talked to her about it. Her response to me (and this was after I bent over backward to solve HER problem with him, and took them BOTH to lunch to air out their differences because I'm NOT a shitty people-person, but I AM a sucker) was that I couldn't stand being in competition with her.
Cue the needle scratching off the record.
I'm not a competitive person. I don't really LIKE it. I really like sharing. I would rather have as many people win as possible. This doesn't mean that I CAN'T compete. It just seems like a step backward. I was shocked, simply because I never saw this as a competition. All I could really think about is all the friendship I offered, all the explaining away of why this person got this case, and why I got what I did, and what she was also given. I think I decided then that I couldn't keep doing this.
Imagine working with someone who is NEVER satisfied. Imagine working with someone who ALWAYS complains, yet never does anything about it? If it was simple, I'd
Anyway, I got tired of all the years of being thrown under the bus. I decided that I wouldn't put any more energy into calming her down or smoothing things over.
After she said that I didn't like the competition, and after talking to my boss, who covered up his lack of working because of internet surfing by saying that I couldn't get work done because I wasn't working (Yeah, I LOVED that one. My work was stacked on his desk, I had emails galore unanswered, and an email from HR that went in circles and she could not see WHY she was talking in circles) I decided to carefully document my work, and put my nose to the grindstone.
About a month later, or maybe 2-3 weeks, my teammate was very upset that the calendar was full. Her reaction to that was silly. She decided to hate me because of it. We haven't spoken in over 6 months. Wonder how that's working out for her. Suits me fine. I don't have to adjust the heat, or fix her computer. I don't have tiremarks on my back anymore, either.
It just leaves me with the question of why professional women can behave this way. I wonder if they consider themselves feminists? I think the people I know who act this way are TOTALLY against the term feminism, but like some of the feminist beliefs, but if you were to ask them to define a feminist, I think they'd sound like Steve Dallas or something. I DO consider myself a feminist. I wonder how many other women do.
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