High School Musical - The Office

Other paralegals have discussed this issue.  Why IS it that women act like high schoolers in large groups?  Yes, I know that's a horrible generalization.  It's true that not ALL women act this way.  There are some, like ME, for example, and the other women who stick their heads up above the crowd to say, DAMN, why DO these women act like we are back in high school, for Christ's sake?

I have not previously worked in a field that is largely women, but I heard a rumor that this does not happen often in the nursing communities.  Something to ponder on, I guess.

However, paralegals in all kinds of practices have reported this kind of behavior.  I have had no less than two personal friends at two separate firms report that they were deliberately incorrectly trained by other coworkers.  That is just shocking to me.  Personally, I need all the help I can get, and that's the selfish reason for training correctly, but the clients are the ones who suffer with this pettiness.  I couldn't bring myself to do this for a whole bunch of reasons, and I can't understand it when it DOES happen.

I can get along with a lot of people, although in my firm I am generally NOT LIKED.  This is because of two reasons, I think.  I think I'm a little TOO helpful, and I don't know when to keep my mouth shut.  I know, people like that aren't liked.  If you meet us, and we can't stop giving you hints to make your job easier, know that we hate this part of us, too, but we still help you, knowing that you'll resent us for it.  The other reason is that I can be a little too frank.  I don't put up with some of the circular conversations and agonizations that some people like to do.  I believe that you should either become part of the solution, or you're the problem.  Either fix your problem, or shut up about it.  A lot of folks don't like that, either. 

Don't get me wrong.  I'm a great shoulder to cry on IF IT'S WARRANTED.  If your kid is in the hospital, I can listen to your fears and concerns, and help you through the crisis.  If you want to bitch and moan about how your husband won't buy you a new washer, then I'm not the person for you.

Just thought of the third reason I'm not liked.  If you work with me, I expect you to do it right.  I don't expect you to get it right the first time, but I expect you to WANT to do it right, and make the corrections necessary, and not have an attitude about it.  If I can do it, YOU can do it.

However, that doesn't explain why I hear pieces of conversations that involve so-and-so's hair, shoes, or boyfriend, or why SHE gets away with not working (and I know for a fact that neither of these complainers work hard enough to judge this girl, since they are both sittiing down for a nice long breakfast at the job), and even worse are those people who don't like this person or that person, and they want to form a little militia and convince YOU that you shouldn't like them, either.  I mean, WHAT IS THAT?  I haven't seen this since high school.  I hated it then.

Currently, I am fighting a war with a teammate.  It's silly because she gets angry with me because of cases that I get assigned, as if I have anything to do with THAT.  I was having a problem with my boss, and I believe it was a lot of miscommunication (he's a shitty people-person), and I talked to her about it.  Her response to me (and this was after I bent over backward to solve HER problem with him, and took them BOTH to lunch to air out their differences because I'm NOT a shitty people-person, but I AM a sucker) was that I couldn't stand being in competition with her.

Cue the needle scratching off the record.

I'm not a competitive person.  I don't really LIKE it.  I really like sharing.  I would rather have as many people win as possible.  This doesn't mean that I CAN'T compete.  It just seems like a step backward.  I was shocked, simply because I never saw this as a competition.  All I could really think about is all the friendship I offered, all the explaining away of why this person got this case, and why I got what I did, and what she was also given.  I think I decided then that I couldn't keep doing this.

Imagine working with someone who is NEVER satisfied.  Imagine working with someone who ALWAYS complains, yet never does anything about it?  If it was simple, I'd help do it for her.  This was MY problem, though, and I have to own up to that.  Eventually, I got tired of the complaining and griping, made a list, made a list of SUGGESTED fixes, had a meeting with all of the disgruntled ones, and suggested we take it to the boss.  Sound reasonable?  Sure.  They all backed out, for reasons of their own.  I said at that point that I didn't want to hear it anymore.  If you don't want to fix it, then shut up about it.  I also found it ironic that they ridiculed the girls who did not want to discuss this with the boss as being cowardly and weak, and when they later backed out FOR THE SAME REASONS, they never noted their own hypocrisy.  Unreal.

Anyway, I got tired of all the years of being thrown under the bus.  I decided that I wouldn't put any more energy into calming her down or smoothing things over.

After she said that I didn't like the competition, and after talking to my boss, who covered up his lack of working because of internet surfing by saying that I couldn't get work done because I wasn't working (Yeah, I LOVED that one.  My work was stacked on his desk, I had emails galore unanswered, and an email from HR that went in circles and she could not see WHY she was talking in circles) I decided to carefully document my work, and put my nose to the grindstone.

About a month later, or maybe 2-3 weeks, my teammate was very upset that the calendar was full.  Her reaction to that was silly.  She decided to hate me because of it.  We haven't spoken in over 6 months.  Wonder how that's working out for her.  Suits me fine.  I don't have to adjust the heat, or fix her computer.  I don't have tiremarks on my back anymore, either.

It just leaves me with the question of why professional women can behave this way.  I wonder if they consider themselves feminists?  I think the people I know who act this way are TOTALLY against the term feminism, but like some of the feminist beliefs, but if you were to ask them to define a feminist, I think they'd sound like Steve Dallas or something.  I DO consider myself a feminist.  I wonder how many other women do.